Advice: What Men & Women Want From Each Other

Pre-Marital Advice

I wonder how many engaged couples spend time carefully considering what they want and need in a spouse...their commonalities in relation to their personalities, morals and values. And then communicate these desires to each other~ well before the wedding day.

We get married with the intention that it's for life!

Yet, that looming high divorce rate. {sigh}

To quote from the book What I Wish I'd Known before I Got Married, author Kay Coles James writes, "Yet, the reality is that marriage is probably the most dynamic and challenging of all human relationships."

In other words, it's not easy. So, seek wisdom. Seek advice from wise people.

Again quoting {cause Kay is one wise woman} "Communication is the glue that holds everything in human relationships together. It binds our hearts and souls to one another; it gives breath to the covenant we jointly make; it is our operating language, connecting us to our past, making the present possible, and envisioning the future. The goal of marital communication is intimacy. Sex may be intended for physical and emotional intimacy but communication is intended to promote relationship intimacy. Ultimately this is important to women and men because the relationships are not independent of one another. Great communication promotes great intimacy, which promotes great sex."

Quoting from Kay again,

"The engagement period is not just for planning the event; it is also for thinking through what it means to be married and, specifically, what it means to be married to this individual."

Check it out... Below are 2 lists of qualities that men and women want from each other. My mentor friend {who is graciously sharing these lists encourages the women she mentors to write out the qualities they want in their future spouse}... thus the compilation. The second list was written by a man with the same intent. Read through their lists... add or take away. I hope you find it a helpful guide and an avenue of communication for great intimacy. And even if you're already married... there's no time like the present to start communicating those heart's desires. Make Your Own List!

Qualities that Women Want in a Man

Leadership
Takes initiative
Jealous
Wants to provide and take care of me
Sexual purity
Big dreams and motivation
Passionate/enthusiasm
Treasures me (gentleness)
Handsome in my eyes and I’m beautiful in his
Desires God above all else
Not afraid or ashamed to worship God or discuss the Bible
Good sense of humor
Righteous anger
Intelligent
Strong
Good listener
Adventurous
Entrepreneurial
Manly!
Loves & respects others
Charismatic
Integrity - High personal standards/expectations
Chivalrous/Gentleman
Street smart
Self-control
Challenges me
Friends with my family
Winks
Loves kids
Open relationship with his parents, respects them - Treats his mom well!!
My spiritual leader and mentor
Challenges me intellectually and spiritually
High level of social intelligence
Articulate
Many interests - not a one-dimensional personality
Smiles easily
Will try just about anything ... once
Not a picky eater
Treats all women kindly whether they're pretty or not
Merciful
Financially disciplined
Generous
Enjoys life
Has at least one close male friend
My parents like him a lot
Loves music - open to different types of music
Not afraid to look foolish or lose at something
Kind to animals
Tries to drive safely
Courteous
Respects my need for sleep
Takes care of stuff - like car, home, clothes, equipment
Has a soft voice - doesn't yell
I like hearing his voice
Thankful
Strong work ethic
I respect him
I trust him with my life
I cannot (I'm not able to) boss him around
He likes to think about the "why" of things
Likes me to dress well
Likes a neat and clean home, but is reasonable in his expectations
He cannot be a pack-rat
Believes in and practices tithing
He is liked and respected by his co-workers and his boss
Equally comfortable in jeans or suit (or white buck-suede boots!
Equally comfortable at concert or football game
Integrity - he doesn't have a secret life on the side
Thinks I'm smart
Believes i'm worth listening to
Likes the way I am and look
I have his undivided attention when I really need it
He's feisty!
He's a challenge
Affectionate
Likes to wear cologne, but not too much
Honest
Not cruel with his words
Not quick tempered
Does not drink excessively
Does not swear
Does note tell inappropriate stories or jokes
Trustworthy
Dependable
Not macho
Not in touch with his feminine side!
Not easily offended
Not a "pouter"
Loves my parents
Likes me to have friends and talk with them
Totally committed and faithful to our relationship
Takes seriously his role as husband and provider
Member of and involved in our church
Able to say he's sorry when appropriate
Keeps his shoes shined
Keeps his fingernails clean and neat
Good grooming habits
Can mingle comfortably at my work events
I'm proud of him
He speaks kindly of me when he's around other people - even when I'm not around
He is on my side
He let's me be the homemaker
He's got a sparkle in his eyes
There's electricity
He is "easy" on other people
Not judgmental

Qualities that Men want in a Woman

What I am looking for
Good sense of humor
Witty
In shape, as in takes care of her body
Smart
Fun
Goal Orientated
POSITIVE
Psychologically stable/balanced
No baggage
Good communicator
Good listener
Can be empathetic/sympathetic but strong (I don’t need someone to cry for me when I’m not even that sad lol)
Street smart, logical, down to earth
Mature but hasn’t lost her inner child
Confident
Girly, not high maintenance, but is not afraid to get dirty… I like to play in the dirt
Sexy
Stylish.. but more simple.. doesn’t need to have the high end clothing to look good.
Supportive
Ready for commitment/long relationship
Loyal
Respectful
Can get along with my friends and family
Has her own friends and has a good relationship with her family
Faithful
Simple
Someone I can show off
Good mingle r
Knows how to argue fairly, and how to apologize
Affectionate/Passionate
Likes dogs
Not Clingy
More Extroverted than Introverted