by: There have been lots of studies regarding the effects of relationships on health--and specifically on married couples. Taken from this NY Times article, one of the first studies was conducted in 1858 by William Farr, a British epidemiologist, who studied the “conjugal condition” {the married, the celibate, and the widowed} people of France. Dr. Farr's "groundbreaking study showed that the unmarried died from disease in undue proportion to their married counterparts." Although today's society has changed quite a bit from 1858, Dr. Farr's study helped launch an entire discipline devoted to medical stats and the health advantages of being married. More contemporary studies have shown that positive relationships have positive effects.
Poet Robert Browning wrote, "Success in marriage is more than finding the right person: it is being the right person."
Philosopher Paul Tillich said, "Any deep relationship to another human being requires watchfulness and nourishment."
So what does a healthy, successful marriage look like? Read below: 10 secrets of a successful marriage.
10 Secrets On What Makes a Good Marriage
1-5: 10 Secrets of Highly Successful Couples
6-10: Ten Secrets to a Successful Marriage
1. Successful couples enjoy each other.
They like to be together, talk together, do things together.
2. Successful couples seek and offer forgiveness.
They may not forgive and forget, but they do forgive and let it go.
3. Successful couples are in it for the long haul.
"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either in or you're out. There's no such thing as life in between." said professional basketball coach Pat Riley.
4. Successful couples learn and grow together.
"One couple, after being married for 30 years, decided they would both return to university for their master's degrees in liberal arts."
5. Successful couples adhere to the 60/40 rule.
Boggs and Miller discovered that "marriage masters" have a high level of selflessness. "Walter" whom they interviewed, told them, "I'll never forget what my mentor told my wife and me before we got married 42 years ago. He looked at us and said, 'Most people think marriage is 50/50. It's not. It's 60/40. You give 60. You take 40. And that goes for both of you." It was a principle Walter and his wife adhered to faithfully.
6. The grass is greenest where you water it.
Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
7. You can change your marriage by changing yourself.
Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope – almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves.
8. Happiness is not the most important thing.
Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.
9. Couples discover the value in just showing up.
When things get tough and couples don't know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.
10. Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
Everyday life wears away the "feel good side of marriage." Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple's vows of commitment: "For better or for worse" – when it feels good and when it doesn't.
Sources
Parachin, Victor M. "10 Secrets of Highly Successful Couples." for YourTango.com via The Huffington Post. August 12, 2013.
Temple, Mitch. "Ten Secrets to a Successful Marriage." Focus on the Family. 2009.
Parker-Pope, Tara. "Is Marriage Good for Your Health?" The NY Times. April 18, 2010
Emling, Shelley. "A Happy Marriage Leads to Better Health, Study Finds" The Huffington Post. February 20, 2013.
Harris, Siobhan. "Marriage--it really is good for you!" WebMD feature. March 13, 2014.
