by: An Interview with the Father of the Bride
Our family watched Father of the Bride recently and I was so {humorously} reminded of how differently invested Dads are in their daughters. The parent that employs fewer words will forever have a huge and meltable heart for his little girl. Always. Listen up Dads. Here's how it's done. Or, at least how Scott Anderson, father to Natalie, our lovely bride from yesterday's Minnesota rustic wedding does it.
Meet Scott: funny, clever, tender-hearted and a great Dad! Read the hilarity as he recounts putting the fear of God into Kyle, his soon-to-be son in law ... his wedding day highlights... and well, being Natalie's Dad. Warning: laughter and tears ensue.
Kyle wanted to ask for Natalie's hand. And this happened.
Kyle arranged to have lunch with me--which all but told me his intentions. We had never "had lunch" together so it was obvious what this was all about. I picked the restaurant (Bonfire) and got to work on making sure this would be a memorable lunch for the both of us. I went over to the restaurant and asked for a menu. I wanted to replicate it but add a few twists (see below) to the menu. I created "new" menu items and labeled them "Lunch Specials." I talked my plan through with the hostess and then on the day of the lunch, I got together with the waitress that would be serving us. Fast forward to lunch day. After a bit of small talk, I asked Kyle what was on his mind and why he wanted to meet (as if I didn’t know). Well, he launched into a well thought-out list of what Natalie meant to him and why he believed that they were good together. He then asked for her hand in marriage. I looked Kyle straight in the eye and recited these lines from the movie Taken. It's the scene where Liam Neeson is talking to his daughter's captors ...
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
His immediate reaction was one of concern-- until he realized it was from the movie and finally understood that I was playing with him. After that, we had a great time together. It was a good day together with my future son-in-law. Not sure he would say the same thing but that’s my take on it.
(Check out Scott's menu at the bottom of this post.)
Game Day!
What did you think when you first saw Natalie on wedding day?
Wow. Speechless. I may be slightly biased, but Natalie was absolutely the most beautiful bride that I have ever seen--since 29 years ago when I saw her mother on our wedding day!!! Seriously, when I contemplate that she is part of my DNA, I think she must have been switched at birth!
How did you feel walking Natalie down the aisle?
Walking my daughter Natalie down the aisle went far better and was more enjoyable than I could have ever dreamed possible. If you had polled the people that know me--I guarantee 100% of them would have said that on the day of the wedding, "I would be an inconsolable wreck." I tend to be pretty emotional when it comes to my kids … or everything, so losing it doesn’t take much. Truth be told, I had cried enough times thinking about the moment but knew I wanted to keep it together for Natalie’s sake as she can be a little emotional as well.
I admit going off by myself on a couple of occasions during pictures and bawling like a newborn baby. As it turned out, it was the best thing that happened! When it came to the moment of taking those first steps with Natalie and seeing everyone in the church, I kept it together--even mustering a smile now and then. Natalie's maid of honor, Anna, helped tremendously in keeping Natalie together--which helped me as well. Full disclosure: about 5 minutes before “the walk,” I grabbed a pen and wrote “Her Mother and I” on my hand, not knowing what my mental state would be--just in case I couldn’t remember my small but very significant line. I had 4 words to say ... but screw those up and suddenly I steal the show (I have enough buddies that would never let me forget my gaff). Amazingly, I plowed full steam ahead with the utmost confidence and didn’t even need my cheat sheet, er hand.
Best part of wedding planning with Natalie?
Hands down the best part of wedding planning for me as the Dad was practicing our Father-Daughter wedding dance.
Natalie is not one to draw attention to herself but when she said that she wanted to do something special for the dance, I said, if we do it, let’s do it up right.
We pulled together a routine by watching YouTube and music videos and just coming up with our own moves. We practiced on and off for a few months. We had more laughs watching ourselves make the most ridiculous moves, or trying to mimic Michael Jackson. I taught Natalie how to moon dance, which I learned back in college, and she was a quick student. When it came time for the big show, we made a few mistakes but overall it went over great and I think we surprised most everyone in attendance. I have said it before; if we never performed it at the wedding, it was all worth the extra time I spent with my daughter (who would all too soon, fly the nest).
Dads, I encourage you ... be willing to make a fool out of yourself for your daughter’s sake!
Cutting A Rug! Watch Scott and Natalie's Father-Daughter dance here.
What tasks as Father of the Bride did you have?
Keep my opinions to myself and my mouth shut: those were my tasks as Father of the Bride! The suggestions that I submitted were typically rejected by bride and mother of the bride--whether it was what should be the main entrée at the reception or who should be assigned to what table for dinner. It didn’t take long to start reading into the “roll of the eyes” or blatant ignoring when I would speak up to voice my opinion. I knew I would not have input into the ceremony itself, but I quickly learned my role or lack thereof and stayed in the background … way in the background. That said, it was all probably for the best, as hard as that is to admit.
Did you lose a daughter or gain a son?
I actually referenced this in my speech at the reception. Again, I made it all the way through without crying but had to keep it on the lighter side. When I was addressing Kyle, I said “You know, I always hear Fathers state during these speeches, "I am not losing a daughter, I am gaining a son" well Kyle, with you, let’s just hold off on making any judgments at this point.”
Honestly, I've watched how Kyle has treated my daughter over 3 years of courting and I have seen her grow as a woman, knowing he has had a lot to do with bringing out the best in her. I knew their relationship was right. As much as we want to believe that we are everything to our kids, they also grow from other relationships; it doesn’t end with us as parents. This was Natalie’s time. So, I have to admit, I did gain a son.
Best part of the wedding day for you was ...
Seeing the joy in Natalie’s eye’s that reached right down to her soul. We always hope and pray for the best for our kids and to see it played out on such a stage as a wedding ... I can’t imagine anything better than that. Bittersweet for a Father for sure, but seeing Natalie for who she is now--a beautiful wife-- is the best.
Second runner up was that my Mother was able to make it to the wedding, which was in doubt right up to the wedding. She has experienced failing health over the past 5 years or so and watching my son wheel her down to her seat was a great memory as well.
Anything else?
Yeah, I could go on and on… but I guess I already have.
The Menu
Best wishes to the happy couple! xo
Thanks Scott for sharing your heart and joy of being Father and Father of the Bride!
